PSYCHE!

Well, I'm back in Seattle. But it wasn't a trick, I tried to go to Brazil. Side note: those of you reading this are visiting my blog even though I said I would be gone which means you are my hardcore peeps and I give you a shout-out. Much love. Anywho, I had pretty much the worst travel weekend EVER. Maybe you agree, maybe you disagree, you be the judge. I will try to summarize below and then you can tell me how bad this sucks on a scale of 1-10 (10 being teh suX0r):

Setup: I was scheduled to fly to Brazil, arriving Sunday morning and have many meetings on Monday and Tuesday in Brazil On Wednesday I would fly to Argentina and have meetings there Thursday and Friday (about half as many meetings as Brazil). Then Saturday I would fly directly to Baltimore to go on vacation.

What happened:

Saturday, August 2
10:00 am: Arrive at Seattle airport for 12:30 flight to JFK, check-in, show passport, etc...
12:30 am: Flight pulls away from gate and gets in takeoff line. In first class and enjoying the flight having already had a beverage.
1:00 pm: Captain announces mechanical failure, return to gate, wait for mechanics.
2:30 pm: Flight takes off.
10:20 pm: My connection to Sao Paulo, Brazil takes off without me and the 9 other passengers on my flight.
10:32 pm: My flight lands at JFK.
10:35 pm: Gate agent tells me the Sao Paulo flight has not taken off. Immediately waddle/walk/scurry to gate to be laughed at by that gate attendant.
11:00 pm: Get in 1st class line to rebook. Notice many many many many people in many many many lines all trying to rebook.
12:00 am: Still in line. Find out from people in front of me there was lightning and thunder showers earlier which diverted, delayed, cancelled many flights, hence the crowd. Many coach passengers had been in line over three hours.
12:30 am: Am "helped" by ticket counter. All flights full, earliest flight departs JFK Tuesday arriving Sao Paulo on Wednesday (after my last meeting is scheduled to end). No other choices. No baggage.
1:30 am: Arrive at ghetto Holiday Inn outside the airport. No stores around, nothing open. Have no luggage, have not eaten since lunch on airplane. Only option is Papa John's delivery - I embrace it.
2:00 am: On hold with Microsoft Travel to see what they can do.
2:30 am: Microsoft travel alternative: fly to Fort Lauderdale next day and try to go standby coach to Sao Paulo with 40% likelihood of making the flight. No thank you, 1 flight to Seattle please.
3:00 am: Tickets cancelled and refunded, flight back to Seattle booked for 4:40 pm next day - got very last coach seat (aka middle).

Sunday, August 3
10:00 am: Wake up to housekeeping ignoring my "Do Not Disturb" sign, yell at them to get the blank out of here. Get up, take contacts out of cup of water they were sitting in, put on same clothes, walk out in public looking the exact same way I do when I wake up.
11:00 am: Check out of "hotel," go to airport, get in 1st class line again (I only mention this because these are supposed to be shorter!) even though I know I am booked coach now.
12:00 pm: Explain situation to ticket lady. Ticket lady says my ticket is cancelled and I am not on the 4:40 flight to Seattle and it's full. Last straw. I make her wait while I call Microsoft travel, wait on hold with them and finally get ahold of someone.
12:15 pm: Microsoft travel gives lady ticket number. Surprise, surprise, I am on the flight. Instructed to go down to baggage to get bags and check to Seattle.
12:30 pm: Get in baggage line.
1:00 pm: "Helped" by baggage lady. Someone will bring out the bags in the next hour.
2:00 pm: Cut the even longer line to tell lady that bags never came. Lady calls again, they are coming.
3:00 pm: Cut line again, no bags. Calls again, they are coming.
3:30 pm: Cut line again, no bags. Lady says they think the bags are in Sao Paulo. "Does Delta book time travel to the past? No? THEN THEY MISSED THE FLIGHT" Oh, okay that makes sense. In that case, we don't know where they are, you'll have to file a lost baggage claim in Seattle.
3:45 pm: Realize my flight leaves in less than an hour and I haven't eaten yet today. Go for closest thing - Burger King.
4:00 pm: Still in line at BK, the same three people are at the register.
4:05 pm: Look around food court, shortest line = lunch. Lucky winner - Manchu Wok.
4:10 pm: Shoveling fried rice in my face as my flight begins boarding.
4:20 pm: Call Paul and beg him to start the lost baggage process before I get there - give him pertinent info. Warn him of my mood and demeanor.
5:00 pm: Flight takes off (late) and once airborne realize that the TV screen for my middle seat is broken - no movies, no nothing. Of course.
9:00 pm: Arrive in Seattle, barely keeping it together. Wonderful husband has completed lost baggage claim without me and I can go home. Beginning to relax.
9:05 pm: Realize that my flight to Baltimore (vacation) was part of my business trip and have to go buy a one-way ticket to Baltimore.
10:00 pm: Peel off disgusting clothes, shower, coma.